Forgive me, Internet, for I have sinned. It’s been over a week since my last blog post.
The reason is that I’m not doing so well. I try not to get too personal here, because I think there are enough blogs out there that do that, and I intended for this website to showcase my work, not to be my own personal whinge-fest, but at this point I figure why not…
Like most people in the world, I have bipolar tendencies. For me, this means that every once in a while, sometimes at close intervals and sometimes once every other year, I get depressed. There’s not necessarily a reason for it, though it’s not hard to take a guess at what triggered it this time. I’m homesick, I miss my boyfriend and all my friends back home, and while I do have good friends here too, it’s just not the same when I’m confronted every day on Facebook with pictures from parties I couldn’t go to and nights out I couldn’t attend.
It’s not even necessarily that I want to go to all these parties and things… After all, I’m sort of a recluse sometimes. But it would be nice if I could choose to do so. I want to be at home with the people I love, and I don’t want to leave again.
That’s how I feel right now. That’s not necessarily how I’ll feel next week. Like I said, I have good friends here, and as soon as I get out of this funk I’m in I’ll be happy to be here again, I’m sure. It’s just that right now I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to write an analysis of For Once in My Life, I don’t want to worry about my dissertation in May, I don’t want to cook for one, I don’t want to sit in the kitchen with the others and I don’t want to be alone in my room. I want to go home and be with Morten and not worry about anything.
I have had fun… If I make myself do stuff with my friends I do have fun, but afterward I just sink into myself again. I had a great time out on Saturday, for instance, with Emma and Renee and her friends from jitsu. Just look how much fun I had:
Literally so much fun it’s almost criminal!
We had a great time in Wolverhampton, drinking and chatting and everything. I came out of my shell, met new people and fully enjoyed myself. But when it was all over and I got home it was all the same again… I hate it when that happens… I wish I could be happy all the time, and that it would last.
So, basically, I’ve had a shitty week for no real reason, and this one isn’t looking much better, the bright spot being that I’m going home on Wednesday. It’s only for a few days, I’ll be back here Sunday, but it might be enough for now that I don’t go completely insane. The next time I blog, it’ll be more cheerful, I promise. Happy Monday!
EDIT:
2nd November, 03:15
Just had a nice chat on MSN with Morten. I’ve watched QI and listened to Placebo all night. Feeling a little better at the moment. Here’s to hoping it’ll last so I’ll get something done on my analysis tomorrow.
10 Comments
Poor dear; life’s wroof at times. Hope yer upturn lasts and enjoy going home ^^
I often catch myself thinking that Japan would be perfect if I could just bring my friends with me, I assume England’s the same; it does get lonely, even with new friends. I’m glad wehave easy access to internet though, without it I don’t think I’d do as well. I still have contact with Mei-姉 and the rest, so it doesn’t feel like we’re quite so far away. Looking foreward to seeing ya in real life though. Too bad we’ll miss each other in January, but I’ll try to go visit ya ^,^
Lotsa love from Edd!
Thanks, sweetie. *hug*
I’ll be home for Easter, too, but because Easter is so late this year I don’t think I’ll be able to stay as long as I would have liked as I need to prepare for my dissertation at the start of May.
Oh gods, you too?
Let’s form the vaguely bipolar people club!
*solidarity hug*
*hug* I like that idea.
Looks like you have fun, and its only natural to miss your everyone
Yay!! and you get to see your boyfriend again 
And one year will pas in record speed 
But you’ll be home soon
hugs and everything nice for you <3
love chris
good thats allot of smilies!!
Yeah, it gets so much more apparent when they turn into icons.
Hiya.
I’ve been AFK for the last 3 weeks (on hols and I try to avoid puters when on hols).
To flesh out one of the survey answers a bit more, I was interested by your comments on Pundit Kitchen (and us the same screen name there).
Just read your response to the survey. Huh… Interestingly, for some reason I thought you must be female.
Always hard to tell on the Internet, especially when people have gender-neutral screen names.
Busy busy – I can’t accept your Cheeznet friend request because the Cheezfriend account controls don’t work properly (I suspect a config issue with this firewall). It’s nothing personal, and the thought is genuinely appreciated.